My Love  / Susie Campbell (Sweetheart)
well my love, it's almost Thanksgiving and I have no feeling for the holidays, this time of the year makes me think back at how you were feeling this time last year. I remember how sick you were from the chemo and radiation and how you said you felt fine. You are the bravest person that I ever knew. It just breaks my heart when I think of how really sick you were and you kept it to yourself. I so wish we could have been by ourselves for your last months, but it wasn't to be, the whole time was just crazy. If I had my way, things would have been so different, but I did what you wanted . Of course you thought that what was being done for you was through love, and in reality this was a sham. It was so hard for me to overlook this, I loved you wanted the best for you and saw that you got used instead, it just breaks my heart to think of it, noone will ever know the pain that I felt for you. I keep asking God "WHY"  and telling Him that I want you back, I say that's all I want is to have my Frankie back, but I guess he won't do that. Everything just seems so overwhelming sometimes, it seems that I just can't rest, every day I have to take care of something, it's so tiring,and just when I think something is settled, I have to go back to it. I especially miss you when I'm tireds and have to keep going. It's very hard being alone especially when I was used to having you around. Well I'll just keep plugging along for now until we can be together again Love You  Close

Just talkin to Pop  / Michelle Welkes (daughter)
Hey Pop!!!!
   What's your deal??? lol. Sorry, had to throw that in. I must admit, I am quite impressed with your website for Veteran's Day. I might not be the greatest at most things in life, but certain things I think I'm pretty good at. I'm pretty good at your website, the phone, making things happen and being a mom. I guess, who could ask for anything more???? Getting quite cold here. It's that time of the year.  I was quite upset about not having thanksgiving here, but, what can you do??? I am trying to teach myself not to sweat the small stuff. It's only a few hours that I have to give up. I can do that. Sick again, but what else is new? Going for a throat culture today. It seems like I only feel good for a few days and then, BAM!!!! I do know why though. I believe it is a combination of stress and depression. When some people are so stressed or depressed, all of their energy goes into those feelings or disorders if you will. Leaving the body with no defense mechanism against even the slightest of germs. It's okay, really. You see, I have this very twisted way of believing that all of my pain whether back, pneumonia, whatever pales in comparison to the pain that my loved ones have had to deal with. Sometimes, when loved ones are sick or dying, we ask God to give us their pain, take it away from the loved one. This is why it probably does not upset me too much when I am sick. Everyone could guess and speculate as to how or why my back is so messed up. If the true black and white answer was because I took care of Grandma and had to lift her all of the time, I would not have changed that scenario for all of the money in the world. Just like if someone told me I have been sick since September because of stress or whatever having to see and be with you; NOTHING would have changed. It's so funny sometimes. To most everyone I am the pillar of strength, the strong woman who can take on anything. Little do they know, I don't have a clue. I just go through what I think are the right motions. If I were to die tomorrow, I know that I could say in life, "I tried". I revalidate my promise to you in that no matter what or who comes in her way I will help and protect my mother. I've been doing it all along. I do believe that all who have hurt you will fall like dominos. Hell, I can guarantee it. I remember your protection of me throughout my years. I saw the anger and sadness in your eyes. As good, loving and honest of a man that you were I KNOW you would never allow ANYONE to hurt me. I also KNOW that you would risk your own life to keep the ones you love safe. Don't you ever think anyone conned you. You were sick and vulnerable and all-loving. You gave your heart freely and openly. Remember, Jesus Himself was betrayed three times by Judas, someone He loved and trusted. Judas eventually paid a price, as will those that hurt you; this I swear. the look in your eye when I saw you on that Monday and promised you that no one or nothing was EVER going to hurt you again is a look that is as fresh as if it just occured. It was a look of gratitude, belief and trust. It was NOT a look telling me to forgive and forget. That is just simply something I cannot do. I know it is the "right" thing to do; but I just cannot, yet. If I have to do time in Hell because of it, that is something I am willing to do. Mommy will be fine. She is doing what she has to do now for her. She will make it, I promise. I will make it, i promise. The only thing I would like to leave you with today is this one simple thing. I know you know, but in case you forgot; there has never been any man in my life whom I loved and trusted as much as you. There will nor ever could be a replacement for you. You were my father. I would walk through Hell and back to be able to relive only a snippet of our times together. Though you are gone, my love for you still grows.
I love you Pop,
Michelle Close

My Love  / Susie Campbell (Sweetheart)
Michelle has made you the most beautiful web site, every time that I go to it, I think of just how much I love and miss you. She has to go to Babcia's for Thanksgiving and she's not too happy about it. The baby told me today that they skin the turkey before they cook it, I can't believe this and Michelle gets no leg, I say she should get a leg from the Market Basket cook it and bring it with her, right? Why not it's her holiday too! Well I finally got curtains in your room today and they look nice, it reminds me of how bad I felt when you were sick and the windows were dirty and no curtains, I think you deserved better than what you got at the end, but trying to get someone in there w/your mom was a losing battle, it had to be her or Missy and that really upset me that you weren't kept clean, the house was dirty, I could've done so much more for you if they weren't there, but I guess that's water under the bridge. Alot is going on at Pitney Bowes I don't know what the outcome of this scenerio will be, but it should be interesting. Lowe's is supposed to be coming Thursday,I hope that they make it this time, I sick of waiting, but as you know it seems as if I'm always waiting for something. Well I'll close now and ask you to pray for all of us and give us strength until we see you again. All My Love Close

MY LOVE  / Susie Campbell (sweetheart)
Hi Sweetie, boy I was busy today, I worked at Michaels then went to Bed Bat & Beyond , and Linens' and things looking for curtains, no luck so I took a drive to Walmart in New Milford took a while to get there but I lucked out got curtains for the kitchen, living room and your room, I bought a frame for the document that I got the other day for you. I put the flag on the bookcase and the document right above it, so everyone can see it, it is so beautiful. I miss you so much but Michelle is a big help, I just love that kid so much, she's constantly calling me and as bad as she feels w/that back is always happy & cheerful, I give her alot of credit, I don't know if I could do it with that pain all the time I am so proud of her, I wish she had a better life, and I wish she was back in CT I think she would be happier, but that's her call. Well I miss you and I'm always thinking about you I do love you so much please pray for us all. My Love, Susie Close

MY LOVE  / Susie Campbell (Other Half )
I miss you so much, my love. I miss the way you used to say my name, the way you used to make me laugh and most of all I miss your love. It's so lonely here without you, I don't think I will ever be whole again, I still can't believe that this happened, it seems that just yesterday we were going to the dances, playing pin ball and just having the most fun that two people could have. It's just too bad that you don't realize how much you miss a person until that person is gone.  I now realize just how much I miss you. I realize just how much you used to help me with certain things and just how lost I am without you. There will never be another man for me, you were my soulmate and that's it! So until we're together again, my love take care have fun with Rocco and pray for all of us. My love Forever. Close

I am so confused!!!  / Michelle Welkes (daughter)
Hey Pop,
   I am so very confused with this whole 504 Plan thing. I have been reading and researching it as much as I can. On the one hand, I do not want my child walking around with the stigma of being disabled or handicapped. On the other hand, I need to know every day when I send her off to school that she will be safe, no matter what.  When the kids are under a 504 the school HAS to make certain accomodations for the child. In Brittany's case it would be to have a nut-free classroom, and to have her be able to go to the nurse anytime she needed her inhaler.  I try to live my life keeping her safe. If it takes a piece of paper to ensure me that her safety will continue then I have to let it be. I read on some websites that if a child is under 504 they HAVE to give certain accomodations. They do not get extra $$$$ for each child under it, BUT, if they do not follow it, they lose $$$$. This plan can be modified or changed at any time. For now, I am going to wait and see what everyone has to say tomorrow.
Love you,
Michelle Close

Feelings / Michelle Welkes (daughter)
Well it's a tough day Pop. Tougher than I had expected. My mind lately has resumed to it's own chaoticness.  My isolation has overcome me once more. My sadness overwhelms me as I try and pretend to be happy. I just cannot pretend. I wish at times there was a switch in my brain that I could turn off without having to take medications which make me catatonic. I wish one day I could love the holidays again like I used to; not just go through the motions. I wish at times that I did not have to hear certain things from people that only make my worry greater and deeper. I guess I have a lot of wishes. I think the biggest wish would be to have all of my loved ones back; if only for one day. I would give up everything. I assume this is impossible; but one never knows. I live my life longing to know what Heaven will be like; whilst trying to do the right thing to be able to get there. I guess the waiting is the hardest part. Life is a journey, bumpy as it may be, that tests us to see if we pass. Suffice to say I think I have done well so far.  Who knows??? All I know is that just for today I am sad. I am reflective on many things from years gone by. My mind is like a movie player, rolling films of the "happier times". I do not relish in this feeling; I wish it could change. I love you. Close

Happy Halloween/Remembranc-e  / Michelle Welkes (Daughter)
Dear Pop,
   Happy Halloween!! I hope you are enjoying some Mounds bars in Heaven today. I had to put the Monster Mash on your site because I felt you would like it. Anyhow, besides being a busy day it is also a day of reflection. As I know you know, two years ago today Uncle Michael was taken away from us at too young of an age. Could you please tell him I said a rosary for him today and that I miss him terribly? I am quite sure you are all enjoying all of the benefits of Heaven. I look forward to when it is my time to see you all again.
Love,
Michelle Close

MORE THAN I CAN HANDLE  / Susie Campbell (Sweetheart)
Well,Frank, you always said that He never gives you more than you can handle, but this time, I think I've hit my limit. When this happened to Rocco, I really thought I would loose it! You know how much I loved that damn pesty dog, and to have it happen this way right in front of my eyes was devastating! I will never forget it for the rest of my life! My 2 best guys are in heaven now and I'm down here, just trudging along, I hope that Rocco is obeying you and please tell him that I am so sorry if I didn't take him to the vet this would not have happened. I hope that you are finding peace finally and not suffering anymore. So please tell everyone that I said "HELLO" and I hope to see them soon. Close

Thank you  / Michelle Welkes (Daughter)
Dear Pop,

   Wow! Was I surprised today when I talked to Jim. I am so happy for Mommy I could burst!!!!!! Though money could never, ever replace you or what you meant to her, it sure was nice to give her some good news after all of the recent heartache. I promised you time and time again I would help her get through this. I do believe this is your thank you gift. Much appreciated.  No one on this earth deserves it more than her, no one. You are an angel. I love you Pop. Any more problems come her way, all she needs is me with my phone and my computer. Hey, maybe I should bill her for my services??????? I know you're saying, "Uh huh". lol lol Close

Peace / Michelle Welkes (Daughter)
Dear Pop and Rocky,
   It is raining here today; but I bet you already know that. I am so happy you are at rest Rocky. The final touch for you will be there when I come to CT for Christmas. Christmas, ugh!!!! Who wants to think about it? I am glad that I am coming, yet sad that there will be two less home this year. I like to shop online because I have a lot of "secret" stores where I can get certain items that are special made.....shhhhhh. Plus, I really do not think I will be wanting to stand in a line this year with chirping birds, Alvin and the Chipmunks and everyone telling me to have a "Happy holiday". Fuck you, I will have it any way I want it! Maybe I don't want it happy. Maybe I want to be a little somber and reflective. I know you hear me on this one Pop....lol.  As a side note.........just because I am almost done with my shopping STILL does not mean I want a Happy Holiday! I think it means it's easier to do it now than later when the songs really start coming out. This year I am going to have my holiday and goddamn way I please, so how's that! lol. All kidding aside, I am quite looking forward to just kicking back with Mommy and having a few egg nogs (yes, with alcohol), and cinnamon. No worries; no wine, no hospitals, no anger, just enjoyment of each others company.  To be 100% honest with you, I would be happy just staying at your house with mommy and doing our own thing. Hell, I just ordered about $300 worth of desserts. That should get us through, right? I have a little bit of a not so funny for you. Yesterday morning I was telling Henry about the pills I found in the ribbon bag. Now, we all know how he lives for getting me going. After I explained what I found he told me, "You should have given them to me, I would have sold them at work". Well, I hadn't taken my "rage" pill yet.......lol, so as I stood in the kitchen with my slippers on (and other clothing of course), I side-kicked him in his nuts. So hard, he doubled over and had to get ice.........true story. Throughout the day he had to put ice down there and right above the nuts was swollen. After his voice came down a bit from the five octaves it went up he told me he was only kidding. Well, I do not like kidding anymore. I told him I would live in a "fucking box" before I would do that to you. The funniest thing about it I guess is that I still have enough strength, knowledge of kickboxing and form to bring down a 300 pound man. Now  I KNOW you are laughing. So yes, I may be crippled, but damnit, I still got it.........lol. As our family saying goes, "Do NOT mess with one of us!!!!" Have a beautiful day in heaven boys. Love to you!!!!! Close

Rainbow Bridge  / Michelle Welkes (daughter)
Pop,
   This letter is to Rocky. Could you please make sure he gets it? 
   Rest in peace now my little brother. You are near your other brothers. Right where you belong. I miss you both so much. My mind is like a roller coaster spinning between the both of you. I feel so helpless, so empty. Please let this be all for now. Please give us time for our wounds to heal. We really need it. I love the both of you deeply. Rocky, you have now crossed the Rainbow Bridge. I am sure it is more beautiful and spectacular than I could ever imagine. Enjoy my love.
Love,
Michelle Close

A Poem  / Michelle Welkes (daughter)
A poem for God to understand why,
Every night ends with a cry,
What did we do, was it that bad,
That every day we have to be sad.

We try to believe and trust in you,
It's hard at sometimes, what should we do,
Please hear our prayers and wipe off our tears.
Many a loved one we've lost these past years.

I pray every day for the hurting to end,
Now Rocco is gone, not a dog but a friend,
Is he okay, please give us a sign,
I really don't know if we'll ever be fine.

Please watch over Mommy all my lost dears,
I need her around for many more years,
Please help her to find her faith once again,
Help her to see where it's always been.

This poem is dedicated to my Grandmother Anne, my Poppy Campbell, my Uncles Paul and Michael, my Grandma, Pop and all of our beloved pets whom have passed; especially Rocco.


Close

Why? / Michelle Welkes (daughter)
Dear Pop,
   As you know Rocco was taken away from Mom all too suddenly today. For reasons we do not know. Mommy needs you now more than ever. Please watch over her as she grieves yet another untimely death.
   Rocky, I know you're up there. I miss you my little brother. May your eternity be filled with treats, fuzzy bones and love. You deserve nothing less. Respect my friend, respect. Watch over your Mommy now she needs it. You were taken too suddenly. My heart breaks that you have left us now. I've never said this to you before, but, I love you.
Love Rocky's Big Sis Close

MY LOVE  / Susie Campbell (Sweetheart)
Well honey, it's a really rainy Friday. I had to go to the vet's today to pick up Rocco's pills to knock him out so I can have the vet check him out. Then I went to the Big Y and saw the sign at the fish Dept. for the Family Fish Fry and almost started crying, I don't like eating by myself without you to talk to , it's so lonesome, everything is lonesome now, I miss you so much I don't think I will ever get over it. Lowe's is coming Monday to put in the sliding doors that you were going to do until you got sick, oh and I have a tree man coming to check some of the trees that I want trimmed. I have to get people to do the jobs that you used to do, I really had it made w/you being so handy. I'm taking Monday & Tuesday off from work to get some of these things done, Rocco to the vet, doors, trees, go to the dump.  I have to call Jim Almon in Hartford about the life insurance because I have to get this probate moving. Well I guess that's it for now, please watch over and guide us. Close

MY LOVE  / Susie Campbell (Sweetheart)
Well Sweetie it seems that our little girl is pretty angry,please help her to see that her being angry just hurts her. I am asking you to send her some kind of a sign or something that she will recgonize came from you to let her know that it's alright to let all that anger go and to be at peace. Isn't this web site just so beautiful, she has worked so hard on it and she's doing it all just for you, so please help her to find peace within herself. I was just outside for about 2 hours blowing leaves, boy that is one job that I do not care for, it seems like such a waste of time, but it has to be done. I know how hard you worked every year getting rid of the leaves and I wish you were here now, not just to get rid of the leaves, but just to be here so that my heart will stop aching. I'm just now starting to fully realize how long you were truly suffering, and it's just mind boggoling, I don't know how you kept your self sane, you must be a very special angel to God for all of the suffering and mistreatment that you went through at the hands of other people, that's the only way that my mind can make sense of this whole ordeal. Well goodnight my love and please pray for us all. Close

Confusion and Madness  / Michelle Welkes (daughter)
   Confusion, what a helpless feeling. What a helpless person you were. In more ways than one. The anger that rages inside of me is something that I cannot seem to shake. I'm fed up with people in general. I''m lost and confused  when it comes to the fact that someone you had known casually lept to their feet to strip items away from you. Not that they were in your physical possession anymore, just because. I'm pissed damnit! To not even come to your wake. To not even send a thank you card. It just reeaffirms what I believe to be true. People are selfish. I'm sorry, I should not rush to judgement that this man and his accomplice, my bad, friend stole your change and tools that mommy could use. Yes, it was nickels, but DAMNIT POP you worked for those nickels!!!!!! You have no idea how pissed off I am. You have no idea at how tired I am of being pissed off. No, for today I cannot let it go. I am tired of letting it go and forgiving. I am sick and f'ing tired of people taking advantage of you; whether alive or dead. It does not seem to matter. You obviously had a method to your "madness" in saving your change and for someone to just come along, no matter who they are and just take that is simply shitty. I wish they buy a bottle or some bad crack off those nickels. I hope they realise one day they stole from a dead man. It was bad enough while you were alive your own family was stealing your medication. This to me, is a big FUCK YOU to everyone who loved you. I know I made damn sure everyone I saw, stranger or friend knew what your family did to you. Perhaps whomever these thieves are felt they should join the "Steal from the kindest soul on earth's" team. I don't know too much in this life, but what I do know is this. If God forbid anything ever happens to Mommy, I will guard her and protect her with my life. My guilt lies in the fact that I was not closer to you. I perhaps could have prevented some of this. On the flip-side, I would probably be in jail. It would not matter. I think what I am going to do to turn this around and make myself feel better is make my own two jars of nickels. When they are full, I am going to give them to Mommy. She can buy tools, or just keep the nickels. It's not the money, it is the principle. Now I feel better deciding to do this. It will take me some time, but I will do it!!!! Love you Pop, I am so utterly sorry for all of this bullshit. Close

Nothing changes if nothing changes  / Michelle Welkes (daughter)
You know what Pop? There used to be a time when I cared what every single person had to think or say about me. There used to be a time when I was so unsure of myself. I felt that no matter what I did or how I did it, it was never good enough. I guess finally, after almost 38 years, I do not care anymore.  You see, I know what kind of a person I am. God knows I am not perfect, but I truly am a loving, giving person who honestly cares about others. I would never cause anyone harm or try to hurt their feelings. As I sat all weekend and thought, certaing things came to me. Some mad me smile, some made me feel even more empty inside. I am honored that people like Dr. Prewitt, Peter Kaiser and teachers all respect me and see me at face value, truly I am. The crushing part is that, except for my mother, everyone else that I truly cared about is gone. Everyone who would not judge me, just simply loved me.  I guess this is just something I will have to live with. I will not back down, explain or apologize for my feelings any longer. They are MY feelings, and I have every right to own them.  Mommy talks over and over about how everyone says, "If you need anything, just call." I wish I could tell her to look at the next person and tell them, "Don't say that to me because you are full of shit." You see, if people TRULY grasped what it is like to have someone that you love so much taken away from this earth, they would not say things, they would DO things. I get that people are busy in their own lives, I truly do. What I do not get and probably never will is how selfish a society we have became. Everyone is out for number one, themselves. People will not call, they will not come over, they will not cook a casserole, it's just that simple. What Fabio did is an example of someone who gets it, who is selfless. I am sure he had better things to do this weekend then blow leaves. He did it because he is a good person.  People like this are few and far between. I wish too that I was closer to Connecticut. I am starting to like it here, but I KNOW the daily pain that Mommy is going through. I KNOW the things her mind plays over and over again.  I KNOW the feeling of emptiness every single time she opens the door and you are not there.  The only thing I could possibly tell her is that it will eventually get easier for her mind to comprehend.  No one will ever come with that casserole, but that is okay. That is when one learns who people truly are. Sounds mean, but it is very true. It does not mean we do not have to like them anymore. It simply means in life we learn that there are certain people we can count on. What's funny is that usually the people we think we can, we can't and visa versa. In ending, I would like to tell you not to EVER stress about me.  I might be sickly or crippled, but damnit, I am strong. I would relive every single moment in my life because that is what has made me who I am today. I am honest, intelligent, caring, giving and loving.  If people cannot recognize that or accept it, then that is their problem, not mine.  Sometimes, people words towards us can beat us down a little; BUT sometimes, they give us the fuel we need to make us stronger. In your words, "Nothing changes if nothing changes." I will no longer sit idly by and let my mind and soul be subjected to what I know are lies. I guess I needed to look at your page a little today to be reminded of that. Hell, I've looked  death square in the eyes four times in my life. I've also looked at the devil. There must be something to say for that. I love you! I miss you more than you will ever know. Correction, you do know because you are watching me type right now and I feel all warm and cuddly inside. I would usually say, "Love you Pop." you in return would say, "Love you too Girl." Close

MY LOVE  / Susie Campbell (sweetheart)
Hello, My Love, Well I worked at Michaels's today just like any other Sunday, then went to Home Depot, I don't know, I'm spending alot of time there lately! When I came home guess what? Fabio had blown leaves in the yard for me,it was just so nice of him to do that I thought, and he told me that he will do it every weekend and I told him "No you won't" I'll do it during the week. I started talking to Jackie and Fabio and I just started crying how no one has come to visit me or called to help me or invited me to dinner. I know you would say not to let this bother me, but it does. The only true friend that I have truly is Michelle. I know that Iif we lived closer we would be together at least some of the time. I guess most people don't know what it is to be truly lonely, I guess everyon's wrapped up in their own lives. Hopefully none of these people will ever have to feel the feelings that I have been feeling since you left me. I am upset about Michelle, she is having a difficult time w/Henry he is calling her names just as he always has and you know I never cared for that! It seems that now he has become even more insensitive and Britt is starting to follow is sick sense of humor I don't know what advice to give her, I know this is ver painful to her and I would like to see it stopped, but you know what I always say I have to mind my own business, but it's very hard, she's a good person and doesn't deserve this treatment, so if you can do anything to help please do, after all she is my whoops, OUR kid and shouldn't be treated this way please try to help me w/this problem my love well I'm gonna say goodnight and send you my love for tonight I'll love you always. Close

MY LOVE  / Susie Campbell (soulmate)
Well Sweetie, the weekend is here again and here I go falling to pieces, I miss you so much I have no words to describe the emptiness that I feel. life without you seems so surreal I am completly lost, my heart is aching I don't know how to sooth it. I found your baby picture and put it on the mantle, I also found that old picture that you had of yourself when you were very young and you were at a resturant w/Buzz and your mom I can't wait to show Michelle, she will love them. I also found some old photos that we took when we went to Florida for the first time and I have pictures of your brother Bobby I have alot to show Michelle when she comes here for Christmas. I really need help w/these leaves here, it's ridiculous there are so many I am getting overwhelmed by them, please guide me on what to do. Well I'll let you know tomorrow how my Saturday goes, wish me luck Love you and I'll talk to you tomorrow. Close