VALENTINES DAY  / Susie
Hi Sweetie, I sure missed you on Valentines Day, it seemed that everyone had a Valentine, except me. I guess that I'm just missing you, that's all, will I ever get over this? I doubt it, I think we were meant to be together. This week there was a plane crash and the wife of a guy that died in 9-11 died and went to join him in heaven and I thought how beautiful is that, God let them be together. I don't really want to die, but I do want to be w/you I miss you so much and it's not getting any less, so what am I to do? Well, I guess that I just  have to figure that out for myself, but I have to question, why did God give you to me and then take you away? I honestly don't understand. Oh well I'll stop talking now and just say that I will always love you, my sweet. Close

A WHILE  / Susie
Well, Sweetie, it's been a while since we talked. The holidays have come and gone, finally. I've been dealing with a few problems lately, but nothing I can't handle without your help. It's funny I just say "Frankie, please help me with this" and whamo I get the answer or the strength I need. So far it's been a very snowy and cold winter and it's supposed to get worse. Remember how I hated driving in the snow so you always took me to work? Well I don't have you anymore and I have to drive no matter how afraid I am. I do get jealous when I see the other ladies getting rides from their husbands, I feel some how cheated. I just pray that you are there in the car with me keeping me safe and that makes me feel a little better. I often wonder what you do in Heaven, do you just float around? Are you busy? Do you just do things that you enjoy? It's really hard not knowing how you are, or what happened to you. Well Sweetie. I have to get ready for work so until we talk again, remember my love for you just keeps getting stronger, and Thank You for being a part of my life. Love Always, Susie Close

Hello Sweetie  / Susie
Hi Baby, Well the holidays are finally over! I took my tree down today and oh how I missed you! I thought about you all throughout the Holiday Season. I spent new Years Eve alone and missed you, Christmas morning alone and misssed you, and probably the rest of my life alone, ever missing you. I asked for a sign from you and one day found the Madonna Medallion that you wore in the glove compartment of the Mitshubishi. I have worn it ever since finding it and will wear it forever. I will love you Forever, Love Susie Close

Holidays and stress  / Michelle Welkes (daughter)

Wow Pop!!!!!!!!!!

Don't those 2 words go hand in hand. Yes, it is that time of the year again. The time when are grief is turned up a notch. I am so very proud of Mommy for getting a tree yet so sad that she is having no luck in the job field. Thank God unemployment is lengthened. These are some pretty damn scary times. I think we'll all be okay as long as we have hope and belief. I wish she didn't feel so bad for me. Sometimes I inflict that on her and I do not mean to. It's just rough sometimes but we will survive.

 Next week I'll be 39.........my God!!!!!! Starting to get up there Pop. I do FINALLY LOVE my new job. What I think I mean is I finaly found a job I love. Though the money is not as great as it could be, show me someone nowadays who is happy about their income. I love you, miss you, love your new page (brag brag) and am looking forward to having you watch over MY mother and I and of course, Britt-Britt during the holidays.

With ALL of my love,

Michelle

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Hi Sweetie  / Susie
I needed your help today with picking out a tree for us,and I asked you for help and you did help, thank you. It's that sad time of the year again and I will miss you more than life itself. I am alone, very alone. I am very afraid with the economy the way it is, with jobs, Michelle is scraping the ground and I am very upset that I can't really help her, but it's so bad, for the first time in my life, I'm running scared. Please help me, Michelle & her family all of us. Please. Thank You Love Forever Close

JAMES / Susie
Hi hon! Well you must have been with me again, because after x-rays, ekg, blood pressure whatever, ultra sound by a cardiologist that had to be brought in special for James, it seems that all their tests are negative! I never thought I would be so blessed, you had to have a hand in this. I'm trying to rid our yard of the leaves (ugh) all I can think of is how hard you used to work on these never ending piles of leaves. I wish I knew when you were alive just how much I would have missed you, it's unbelievable, it's never ending. Well just wanted to say Thank You for your intervention and I will always Love You. Please Pray for Us. Close

Jessie / Susie
Well Jessie has been limping for about a week now, so I called the Vet because she wasn't getting any better. Dr. Kellner believes she has bone cancer, so I had to leave her overnight so she could be x-rayed in the morning.  I left the Vet once again in tears feeling all alone. He said that bone cancer in dogs is a very very bad thing, options are amputation results 6 months maybe extra, chemo & radiation 2 years possibly extra. My option is I don't want her to suffer one more day than she has suffered already, so if Dr. Kahn calls me tomorrow and says it is cancer I will tell him to put her down, I know to some this may sound cold, but as you know I don't believe any living thing should ever suffer. So I think you will be soon be having more babies joining you in heaven. You know that this is killing me, but what can I do, I have to do what I think is best for the creature at the time. Please ask God to help me, He doesn't seem to be listening to me. Close

Hi / Susie
Hi Sweetie, well it was a beautiful Saturday today, just the type of day you used to love, a sight chill in the air, plenty of leaves, and lots to do. I realized today just how much time I do spend alone, or as I think, time that I spend without you. It's quite a large amount of time. I guess that I just have to get used to being alone, or being without you, whether or not I like it , and as I think you know by now, I don't like it. I hope that you're doing well in heaven w/Rocco, Mugsey and Skuttles, Little Guy and the rest of our beloved pets. I remember when we certainly had a house full! A large family, big dinners, lots of pets, and just plain good times. I went to Agway today and saw the sign for hay rides, hay bales, where you used to take Brittany every year, and thought of just how much I miss these things. I certainly lost everything, didn't I? You, Michelle, Britt, Henry, Rocco, everything I cared about. It's so hard now I feel so all alone. Peter & Ginny have been very good to me I can not deny that and I do thank them, but I still have a very big void, I guess that I will have to try to fill it as best I can. I'm sorry if I sound a litle self pity tonight but I just have to let you know how I feel. Thanks for listening, Love You Always, and please Pray for Us.  Close

Miss You  / Susie
Hi Babe, Well it's autumn and again the leaves are falling and I am of course thinking of you and how we used to work outside in the yard this time of the year. It's funny, I can be working outside, then I get a thought of you and start crying hystericlly remembering how we used to work together on the yard, I just can't grasp that you're really gone from me, I thought you would be here forever. I lost my glasses at work and after futile tries and looking everywhere, they just turned up!! I know it was you and I thank you, but just wish that you were here w/me. I know that you're looking over me and of course Michelle and her family, but we all miss you so much it just doesn't seem right to carry on w/our lives,without you. Please understand my attempt at trying to reach you, I will always love you. Please Pray for Us. Close

HI! / Susie
Well, here we are in the season of autumn already and nothing has changed, I still miss you more than I can say. I am trying to get a job and it's really stressing me out, it's such a bad time to try and find a job, Wall St is crashing, banks are going out of business, it's just a really bad time. I miss you so much I can't stand it anymore, I've tried everything to forget, but nothing works. You were just the love of my life and how can i forget that? Now I am just ALONE  and I'm tired of it! I have no one to talk to, no one to help me, and no one to love I hate it. I'm still mad at God for taking you from me, people get afraid when I tell them I'm mad at God, they can't imagine such a thing, but these are the people that didn't know you. Why did he do this to us? It is said that God has a reason for everything He does, but what is the reason for this? It's been over a year and I still can't answer that question. What did your dying accomplish? I still can't see any reason for it. All I know is that I need you here w/me not up in heaven, I swear frank, I will never be the same. I miss you helping me with everything and just being funny and cute, now all I have is serious, and friends that make plans and never show up, people don't know how much this hurts but it does. I was supposed to meet Crazy Eddie from pitney bowes for lunch last friday at the Villa and I sat in the parking lot for half an hour and he just never showed up, so I went home. Joe Peterson made plans w/me to meet at the Sycamore and have lunch and bullshit and two weeks in a row he never showed. I am truly getting sick of people, they are just so cruel I just want to be w/our dogs. I will always love you. Please Pray for us.                              Close

UPSET / Susie
My sweetie, I just wrote you a long letter but because I didn't put a title on it, it was erased! I am too tired to do it again, so i will do it tomorrow goodnight, my love! Close

ONE YEAR  / Susie
People said to me "At least he is not suffering anymore!" I replied, why did he have to suffer at all?  They said "He's with God now" I replied, he could've been with God when he was a little older! It has been one full year since my sweet, sweet Frankie went to heaven, I think of him every single day. I just can not understand why he had to suffer so terribly as he did, I can't understand why he had to go to heaven so early in his life, they say bad things happen for the best, but after one year I do not see any best or good that came out of this whole ordeal, I find myself completly lost at times without his guidance, help and intelligence and of course humor. He was the best thing that ever came into my life and will probably be the best thing that happened to me forever. I do not feel you close to me as I've felt when others have passed, I feel completly alone, as I said before like half a person. I may not cry as much after a year, but the pain has gotten no better. People tell me how strong I am, well that doesn't phase me I've had to be strong since I was 12 years old and my mother died. It seems I've lost family member after family member, and now I'm just tired of being strong. This loss of Frank was the most devastating loss a person could have, and to watch him go through the pain, suffering, hope when the Dr's said something positive and the continual let down. I believe that frankie was a kind, gentle, selfless, caring and very giving person, and I will believe until the day that I die that Frankie did not deserve this. Sleep Peacefully, My Love Close

Hey / Susie
Hi Baby first of all in answer to your Aunt Lana's question, yes, we knew that Frank was called Pancho when he was younger thank you for that sweet rememberance! Everything is going as expected without you, I get completly lost at times and need your help, I am completly lonely and need your gentle touch, I am completly only not complete, only half. I miss you so much I don't think a person should feel this bad for this long. You were the best thing that I ever had and will ever have, I realize this now, and wish that I just had you back for one second. I just can't accept that you're gone, I keep expecting that I will see you at every turn that I make, but it doesn't happen, then my tears fall yet again. It's almost one year from that awful day and I feel no less relief. I miss everything about you, your laugh, your smile, your gentle kind ways, you sweet love and your understanding nod at times when I made absolutely no sense. I am still mad at God for making you suffer and taking you, it makes NO sense to me, I know it's not supposed to, I know all the stand by answers, but that still doesn't make me feel any less lonely, angry or feel that I've been robbed of the love of my life. Please help me to understand all of this! Close

Surprise!!! / Lana Marcum (Aunt)
Surprise "lil" Frankie, it is me, your aunt Lana, we were so close in age we should have been siblings.... I do think of you so often and hope you are resting peacefully in the arms of Jesus... You left behind some who loved and depended on you to be the strong person in their life.... But I feel sure they will get along but not without missing you every step of the way.... You really did leave your love with them.  God Bless you Michelle and Suzie, you took good care of Frankie and I fell sure God Will  Richly Bless you for your efforts..... By the way, did anyone there know that when you were a little boy, your nickname was "Poncho"?    I love you Frankie and Rest in Peace. Close

MISSING YOU  / Susie
Well, Babe we're coming up on your one year anniversary I printed out directions to come and visit you, hopefully it will be this week. Life is just not the same at all since you left. My love for you has only grown, and I seem to miss you more each day. I try to keep busy, but it seems as though not too much interests me, I am very lonely and I know that keeping busy will fill that void, but everything seems like nothing without you. I know that the last thing you would want is for me to be unhappy or sad, but I can't seem to change these feelings. Time is supposed to be the healer, but how long does it take? Maybe I don't want to get over you, maybe I just love you that much, I somehow think this is the answer. I miss you and think about you constantly my love, please pray for me. Love You Close

Finally, peace  / Michelle Welkes (daughter)

Well Pop,

   I think after all of these years I have found closure in a relationship. I no longer build up my hopes for things that are futile. A lot of people in life would be pissed, mad, etc. The difference between them and I is that in this ONE circumstance I am actually grategul to have such a warm, caring, loving friend. In my heart of hearts Pop I honestly believe he wanted out but was just too scared of the consequences. I could never play the "Blame Game." There is no one to blame.  I think we both needed each other in many ways. I'll never forget a couple things about his son and he. With him I felt protected, safe, pretty. His son was the nicest policeman I have evr met. He was so calm and reassuring and way beyond considerate. If my mind flahes back to that Christmas night I swear on you that I could see compassion in your son's eyes. I will never be embarrassed but will always be grateful.

Mommy is coming here in August!!! It should be fun; I can hardly wait!!!!!!

Have a wonderful day in Heaven,

Love,

Me

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July 4th  / Susie
Well, here we are, another holiday and no you, I don't think I'll ever get used to it! I didn't think a year ago that I would be without you, I kept thinking that they would cure you, a special chemo or something. I know now that was just wishful thinking. I can't say that my life has been easy since you've left,I keep trying as best I can. Michelle has really kept your site looking nice, it does you justice. Well sweetie, "HAPPY 4th of JULY" and please please pray for us. Love You Forever Close

Need to vent  / Michelle Welkes (daughter)

I'm so pissed Pop, I need to vent. I'm not going to go over what assholes I have for family members. There is no point. As you would say, "It is what it is". I'm just pissed picturing my mother laying in the yard crying b/c she has no one but neighbors to ask for help. What she HAS to know is that they really, really want to help her. She is NOT a burden. She at times has a distorted feeling about who she is. Don't we all.

There is something else I need to air out that is bothering me. I am bothered that men are calling her, inviting her for motorcycle rides, etc. It really gets me going. There is no doubt that I wish my mother happiness; but right now, the vultures are circling. I firmly believe there will NEVER be another man I cannot accept if she lets them into her life. I am sorry but it is how I feel. I know it's not right but I am still too devastated. Wish I had Charlie and Bill's numbers. Thank you for letting me vent.

I love you,

Michelle

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First day of summer  / Michelle Welkes (daughter)

Well Pop,

   The first day of summer is almost here. Instead of thinking, "Oh, summer is here," I instead think of how Grandma died that day. It will be four years....wow. I still recall it as if it was yesterday. Like every June 21st, I am busy with something. I somewhat do that on purpose to occupy my mind. It has gotten easier to cope with over the last years, but the memories are still as fresh. Brittany is graduating Friday and I am so proud of her. She really is turning out to be a good young lady. In a way it is shocking. I believe most children who have had so many losses in their young years and a mom who basically cannot do to many activities with her as all other moms can, would not be excelling as well as she is. I guess I'll give myself credit in the fact that even though I might not be able to play much with her, I work hard every single day at trying to instill values, morales, respect and the guidelines in what I expect of her academically. Maybe that's more important?????? Something is right because she does excel in what I guess are the things that matter most. I still cannot help but feel horrible when she wants to play cards and I have to have them right in front of me because I cannot reach. It's a constant pain that at times she does not understand, and I get that. There has to be a yearning inside of her for her mom to be able to do more. I think I would feel the same. For three plus years I have been living my life according to my back. It controls everything I do every single day. At times I feel disassociated from the rest of the world. It is sad. I do not blame anyone or anything for it, I am just starting to really, really ask God to help me instead of telling Him it is okay. Last night I told Him it is not okay and that I need Him to help me. I do believe He will. I even told Him I do not understand why someone like myself has to suffer so much with pain when I really am a good person and others who are not good live without any type of pain. I told Him I did not think at this point it is fair. I wasn't mad, I was honest. Here's to hoping for a miracle. I believe they can and do happen. I REFUSE to drive a Hoverround at 38 years old!!!!!

I love you,

Michelle

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HAPPY FATHERS DAY  / Susie
Well it's here and it's just one more holiday to miss you. The kids and I missed you of course, but that makes it's no different than any other day, we miss you every day. I did however miss getting you the gift card from Home Depot and signing the card from the kids. I do hope that you had a good Fathers Day in heaven your first year. I didn't do anything special today, I worked, went to Lowes came home ate dinner and here I am. Well I just waned to send my love and ask you to please pray for us. love me  Close